Overworked mother, ‘calm’ father: in the search for family balance, children’s education must motivate changes

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Experts warn homes with an overburdened parent can compromise the child’s development and awaken negative feelings in the relationship with those responsible. Mother walks with son Arquivo/CDC/ Amanda Mills Insecurity, aggressiveness and unwillingness to learn can be directly related to the (lack of) family routine. In the view of specialists consulted by g1, school success begins at home. But when mothers are overwhelmed and fathers are too relaxed, the loser is the child who no longer has all the support they need to develop their potential. Understanding that there is a “mental burden” that falls exclusively on women is the first step, especially at a time when society is discussing a retrograde defense of sexist movements (such as the philosophy of the red pills: men who believe they are superior to women and that feminism must be fought, as it would be oppressing the male class). We need to get rid of the idea that the father “helps” the mother. It’s not help, it’s duty, it’s his function. The only thing that the mother can do and the father cannot is to breastfeed the child. Other than that, absolutely everything can be done by man as well. And he needs to. The mental burden on women that can affect the development of children is related to the imbalance in the division of family tasks. “The father is not responsible for daily actions that involve mental burden, [como] thoughts and concerns about the child’s future, food, clothing, hygiene, behaviors, the physical burden, such as losing sleep, preparing food, following school activities, and the emotional burden of welcoming, holding, calming down, managing conflicts” , says Thais Basile, a psychoanalyst specializing in institutional psychopedagogy. Maria Isabel da Silva Leme, a psychologist specializing in the psychology of learning, who works with interpersonal conflict resolution, explains what happens: “Women entered the job market, but family culture still hasn’t changed. So, she continues to take on the greater burden of caring for the house and the children”. Without a change in thinking and attitude at home, it becomes even more difficult to break this sexist cycle. How ‘redpill’ coaches attract supporters in the wake of the crisis in masculinity Indirect risks of overload on mothers Active mothers and fathers, who share tasks and are examples of respect, avoid exposing the child to a conflictual environment. parents. Children need to be emotionally well supported so that they have the will to learn. Father helps son to do school activities Image by Freepik Unbalanced routines, absent fathers and lonely mothers in conducting family routines can contribute to: Decreased child confidence; Lack of willingness to learn; Setback or blockage of emotional maturation; Unpredictable and aggressive behavior; and Delay in personality development. But how does this happen in practice? Children are affected by whatever division or organization of the family. Therefore, there must be a balance in the distribution of roles even in families formed by parents who are no longer romantically related. “If the parent, or both, acts dismissive, it’s no surprise if the child does the same. They might think ‘If my dad doesn’t care if I’ve done my homework, why should I do it?'” , says Belinda Mandelbaum, associate professor at the Department of Social and Occupational Psychology at USP, where she coordinates the laboratory for the study of family, gender relations and sexuality. The same reasoning applies to other situations. “If my mother doesn’t care if she understands the content, why would I ask for help with studying? This can lead to a lack of commitment to school activities, as well as to her school performance”, explains Belinda. Parents’ lack of interest in their children’s school can lead to a lack of commitment to school activities Gabriel Varani/SMED/PMPA In addition, having a calm, absent and uncommitted father can awaken in the child a feeling that he is not important to at least one of his parents. sides of the couple. “The father arrived tired from work and wants to rest, he doesn’t want to spend more energy with the child. The child can interpret that he is a burden and this can lead him to become reclusive, shy, afraid to express himself, or the opposite, assuming aggressive behavior as a way to demand attention”, completes the specialist. In general, it is common for the father to carry out tasks more associated with leisure and fun. It is common for the father to carry out the tasks most associated with leisure and fun City Hall of Porto Velho/Disclosure In other cases, it also happens that the father is mistakenly associated with the role of imposing limits and rules in a generally quite authoritarian way . “Parents should, as far as possible, offer the child a safe environment so that he or she feels confident in the parents’ love for them, trust in the love in the family, regardless of the conflicts that exist in each family”, she says. Maria Isabel da Silva Leme also believes in the benefits of fair division. “The ideal would be for both to participate equally, as much as possible, because the more diverse this relationship, the richer it is”, she says.

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