How to avoid the midlife crisis – 02/20/2024 – Balance

Midlife, which according to the American Psychological Association is ages 36 to 64, is known as a high-stress era of lost youth, declining health, work pressures, and caregiving.

When most of us hear the term “midlife,” we probably think of “crisis,” said Margie Lachman, a psychology professor at Brandeis University. “It’s just this universal association, which is unfortunate.”

So how do we make this moment more of a celebration than an implosion?

BE UNSHAKEABLE ABOUT WHO YOU ARE
During midlife, we often shift our focus from what have been called the “resume” qualities of our youth (what we do) to “compliment” qualities (who we are), said Chip Conley, author of “Learning to Loving Middle Ages.”

Making this change isn’t automatic, so Conley suggested an exercise. List old characteristics that no longer reflect who you are. Then write down any outdated beliefs from your youth that no longer apply. When you’re done, throw the list away. This acknowledges who you were while creating space for new identities, he says.

DIVE HEAD INTO A WEIRD HOBBY
If possible, try something you’ve always wanted to do. If you have the resources, book that whimsical trip, a birding expedition, the Hallmark Channel Christmas Cruise.

Conley suggested asking: Ten years from now, what will I regret not learning or doing?

CELEBRATE FORGOTTEN MILESTONES
Mark the transitions that make midlife unique, says Conley. Throw an empty nest party when your last child leaves home.

If you’ve reached menopause — the average age is 51 — have a “menopause tea” where you exchange tips on how to manage your symptoms.

And don’t avoid your 50th birthday, says Conley; instead, do something special.

INVEST IN YOUR FRIENDSHIPS
Throughout adulthood, our social life tends to diminish as we become more involved in jobs or family life, says Lachman.

But during midlife, Conley says, friends aren’t a “luxury,” they’re a “necessity.”

Children grow up and leave home, divorce rates increase among those over 50, and health problems tend to increase. Friendships are critical to our psychological and physical well-being, said Rosanne Leipzig, professor of internal medicine and palliative medicine at Mount Sinai and author of “Honest Aging.”

“Friendships prepare you for the future,” says Leipzig.

This article was originally published in The New York Times.