Jeong, the Korean concept that can help you be happier – 12/04/2023 – Balance

It is described as a mental state of warmth, deep emotional attachment and compassion for people who share common bonds and the innate desire to do something for another.

It’s “jeong”, a concept that has been an integral part of South Korean culture and society for more than 2 thousand years.

Certainly, many people have felt something similar, especially those who belong to non-Western cultures or who have not yet been consumed by the industrialized world. But it’s not an easy concept to describe verbally.

“It’s something you don’t learn. It’s ingrained and comes from lived experience. You can learn the rules, but it’s more intuitive than anything else,” said Jihee Cho, a psychologist in New York and co-founder of Mind in Motion Psychological Therapy , to BBC News Mundo, the BBC service in Spanish.

While acknowledging that there are similar attitudes to “jeong” in other cultures, the concept is unique, uniquely Korean, based on the idea of ​​collective social responsibility.

South Korea’s Ministry of Culture, Sports and Tourism describes it like this: “A warm feeling of love, affinity, compassion and bonding between people who share an emotional and psychological bond.”

However, Cho adds that it’s not just between people. “It could be a bond with objects, places, pets. Anything you can develop a bond with.”

Jihee Cho was born in South Korea, where she grew up and lived until she was 13 years old. His family had lived in the same neighborhood for 30 years. It was a community where everyone knew each other, not just the families that lived there, but the owners of the businesses and stores, bars and restaurants.

“They asked me how I was, how I was at school. Everyone knew that my mother worked and, if I needed something, they would give it to me without having to pay. Knowing without thinking twice that my parents would pay later was part of that feeling of familiarity”, explains De Jeong.

In Korean culture, people close to us are called “uncles” and “aunts”. Furthermore, when referring to mothers, they do not say “my mother”, but “our mother”.

After moving to the United States, where he studied, received his doctorate and opened his practice in New York, Cho did not forget the practice of “jeong”, especially in the big city, where society is increasingly fragmented and individualistic.

From the beginning, she remained close to two or three families with whom she lived. They saw each other at church and did activities together.

Several women became pregnant at the same time and shared their experiences. “Through our mutual experiences, we know a lot about ourselves and our families,” she said.

More than just kindness

Two years ago, her father died suddenly during the pandemic and she had to urgently travel to South Korea. It was a critical moment when her friends expressed the “jeong” attitude again.

“Without needing further explanation, they immediately got involved in the situation. A friend of mine prepared breakfast for my baby, another family brought things that my husband might need, they came on weekends to accompany him. This is an example of how this is practiced”, he states.

It can be seen as a simple act of kindness, but Cho says it’s more about knowing intuitively what a person might need in difficult times. This goes beyond being a good neighbor or being supportive, it is truly caring about the other person.

“It’s an active involvement, a genuine and ongoing interaction. A sincere curiosity for someone’s well-being,” he adds.

But it is not only expressed in times of difficulty. It can also happen in positive moments, of joy. “If someone receives good news, we are also happy about it. We participate collectively.”

Collective sacrifice

This idea of ​​collectivity is the basis of “jeong”, which can extend beyond the family and community sphere, encompassing the workplace and the nation’s identity.

Regarding the latter, Cho recalls two significant events for South Korea.

One of them, in 1998, was the deep financial crisis that the country went through when facing the payment of billions of dollars in debt to the IMF (International Monetary Fund).

The government began a massive media campaign asking its citizens to donate their gold items to collect enough precious metals to help pay off the debt. Thousands came to hand in their rings, necklaces and watches.

“Who would do that? Why would you give away your gold, which is your own resource?” she asks. “But it was a great moment. A movement of national sacrifice with which the difficulty was overcome.”

Ten years earlier, there was another “national jeong” moment, which was Seoul’s bid to host the Olympic Games. South Koreans had to work hard to achieve this goal.

“But it wasn’t the country’s goal,” insists Cho, “it was everyone’s goal, because we all share our attachment to the nation.”

Against the isolation of the big city

The psychologist specializes in depression, anxiety and personal relationships. These are aspects of mental health that are affected by life in New York.

The city can be very isolating, she says, and if people don’t leave their bubble, it becomes very difficult to create and maintain relationships. Many of her patients can become depressed and begin to become self-centered. This is when Cho applies the concept of “jeong”.

“Part of my job as a therapist is not to tell them what to do, but to guide them to find a starting point for what they can do,” he explains. “We talk about how they can create their own communities, find like-minded people and develop relationships.”

This implementation of “jeong” is a small start. In fact, you need to share it without expecting anything in return and not miss the opportunity to practice it. “So go ahead, give it a chance, get to know the person, go out for lunch, send a message asking how they are and see if they want to get to know you more”, he suggests to patients.

By saying that those who offer “jeong” benefit more than those who receive, she warns about the necessary reciprocity. Too much one-sided “jeong” can harm a relationship, she says.

“The person who receives a lot of ‘jeong’ may feel overwhelmed. There has to be an intuitive balance with the person you are sharing it with.”

Although such a deeply personal concept cannot be measured scientifically, there are many expressions in the South Korean language that give value to the concept.

“Saying that you don’t have ‘jeong’ means that you don’t have appreciation for someone”, says the psychologist. “When you enter a relationship, you are ‘cultivating’ the ‘jeong’, but if it starts to falter, you are ‘retiring’ the ‘jeong’.”

‘Jeong’ Latin style

Despite this ancient tradition, modern South Korea has become a highly competitive society, where its citizens live under constant pressure to improve, achieve the best professional qualifications and the best jobs at any cost.

As a result, the population is overworked, stressed and sleep deprived. This has led to an epidemic of stimulant addiction and even suicide.

“What I’ve noticed over time is that individualism has taken over,” says Cho. “In the past, there was a tendency towards collectivity. Now, possibly with globalization, the internet, we are becoming more selfish.”

Interestingly, although the level of “jeong” may be declining in her home country, the therapist identified a similar feeling among other migrant communities in New York, particularly Latinos.

“Latinos are collective, they tend to live in the same places,” she says. “In my experience with my Latino clients, I see that they also tend to call people they feel close to ‘uncle’ or ‘auntie’. “Sometimes it’s hard to know if they are actually family or close friends.”

As an example, Cho remembers a patient who attended sessions accompanied by her grandmother. After the session began, the elderly woman came back again to see if she was hungry.

“This is a way of expressing ‘jeong’. I don’t know if there is a word like that in the Latin community, but it is very similar”, he concludes.

This text was originally published here.