Tati Bernardi answers which superpowers she would like to have – 04/07/2024 – The Worst of the Week

Rodolfo writes to me asking which superpower I would like to have. Can I choose, first, the superpower of having several superpowers?

I would love to send myself via WeTransfer (and arrive in one piece and in good resolution) to any country, enjoy it there for about three hours, and then be digitally sent back, in a few seconds, with any sign of “I already got this for me, I want my home”. Imagine enjoying an afternoon on the streets of Tokyo without having to experience 200 unpalatable hours in an economy class? I would travel every day and Zeca Camargo and Ricardo Freire would give interviews saying: “One day I will reach that girl’s number of quantum miles.”

I also wouldn’t think anything bad if my indignant look could raise the temperature of all the air conditioning in cinemas, theaters and museums. Let’s leave everything at the pleasant temperature of 23ºC, folks? Last week I was at Masp with my daughter and we just couldn’t spend more than 20 minutes inside the Francis Bacon exhibition. Inside it was minus ten degrees and we weren’t dressed in thermal clothing to face the snow.

Throughout my childhood and adolescence I wanted, with the power of my thoughts, to implode a wall in the room and face a packed audience (only later, in college, did I read about “breaking the fourth wall” in movies and on TV ). In fights with my mother, I dreamed of being defended by a loyal public who would deliberate choosing who was right and who was wrong. I continue to aspire to the same thing during love affairs. Imagine if in the middle of a verbal confrontation with your partner you could open the curtains to an auditorium filled with only feminist women?

Finally, I would find it very interesting to format my reality as if I were in an editing room. I get exhausted if I’m having dinner with a friend and the restaurant tables are too close together. I sport some kind of crazy antenna on top of my head and start to capture and store the stories, movements, phrases and intentions of everyone around me. I create plots for each one, I get deeply irritated by specific types of voices, I already know what will happen in the future with some of them and I hardly give my friend the attention she deserves.

Oh, there’s one more. After ending wars, hunger, cancer, any child suffering and violence against women, black people and trans people… I would exterminate the existence of Angel perfume from the face of the Earth. He arrives!

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