Miojo is an attack against public health and gastronomy – 08/25/2023 – Cozinha Bruta

The date on which I write these lines, August 25th, is remembered for being Soldier’s Day and the day on which Jânio Quadros asked for a potty. It’s also the birthday of one of my sisters and, I just found out, International Noodles Day.

Who decided to honor Miojo? Nissin, who conceived instant noodles. Miojo Corporation International Enterprise itself.

Nissin’s staff launched a torrent of “good-humoured” messages and the press fell for it because they were interested in falling. You, right now, are reading an example of the success of this strategy.

Take noodles with cream cheese, with beans, with cheese. With seafood, my beloved father! Noodle lasagna, noodle pizza. It’s good to stop here, I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.

By the way, ramen noodles is an attack against public health.

It is a very peculiar case of food that closes the bingo card of the rot – high in sodium, saturated fat and with all the enumerable industrial additives – without bringing any benefit to those who consume it.

Were it not a real product, ramen noodles could well be an exaggerated invention by people at Nupens (a USP center specialized in nutrition) to explain the tricks of ultra-processed food.

I’ve used banned and/or dangerous substances (including ramen noodles) and I don’t regret it, but I’m grown up and responsible for my bad choices.

The game is different when a company the size of Nissin prints packages with children’s characters, throwing the inscrutable noodle powder in the same drawer as Mônica’s apple and Magali’s watermelon.

“Ah, but just don’t use the powder…”

It doesn’t come. What’s the point of that?

It makes no sense to spend money on octopus, shrimp, good food to mix with pre-fried pasta. If you’re going to make a nice sauce, use regular pasta, my goodness!

“Ah, but noodles are faster…”

So the person who is going to make a poached egg to supercharge the ramen noodles can’t stand waiting ten minutes for the pasta to cook. Next argument.

“It is cheaper.”

It is not. If the labels in your market don’t show the price per kilo, get your cell phone’s calculator and do the math. Noodles are more expensive than regular noodles.

Noodles, like canned meats or cereal bars, is only justified in case of emergency or calamity. They are those foods that you keep stored for years –never spoil, anyway– waiting for the zombie apocalypse.

The danger of ramen noodles lies in the combination of addictive flavors (no hyperbole here) with a brutal advertising scheme. Those who pay for misinformation are the most vulnerable.

I’ll end with a short story.

A day laborer worked here at home who rarely ate what I offered her.

“So-and-so, eat the chicken I made yesterday.” She didn’t eat. “There’s ground beef in the fridge.” It was still there when I got home from work. One day, she said that she took some ramen noodles out of her bag and sent them inside.

I threw in the towel and stocked the pantry with noodles, which Fulana readily accepted. I still don’t know if it was the witchcraft of the ultra-processed or if I really cook really badly.

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