Brazilian has the most boring players in the world – 7/3/2023 – Sandro Macedo

A boring football player is not exclusive to Brazil, it exists all over the world. But, if it were an Olympic modality, we would take gold and silver; the bronze would probably go to a foreigner who plays here and made this beautiful adaptation.

And who would be the most annoying player in our overwhelming Brazilian Championship? A relentless scorer like Felipe Melo? A defender with an accent, like Gustavo Gómez? None of that, our attackers are infinitely more boring. Almost every team has one.

In recent years, in the opinion of this scribe —a bore himself—, the champion for his work as a whole has been Gabriel Barbosa, from Flamengo, also known as Gabigol.

Just follow any Flamengo game to see Gabi teasing the referee about the fouls he suffered, fouls he thinks he suffered, fouls he didn’t suffer, but would like to be marked anyway, and even fouls suffered by teammates that he didn’t even see. It’s a drag from the first to the last minute on the pitch.

However, this year, Gabigol has been surpassed by another striker, Hulk, from Atlético Mineiro. Sometimes it’s even annoying to find Hulk boring. The young man is always with the family, gives autographs to everyone, kisses children in the parking lot and is involved in good causes.

After the opening whistle, however, Hulk transforms. It doesn’t turn green, but how boring it gets. He gives negative signals with his hands or head for four out of five referee calls, including corners, center circle fouls and sidelines. Sometimes he complains with a look and an ironic smile — it’s the second most magnetic smile in world football, behind Roberto Firmino’s.

Not satisfied, it also torments the life of the refereeing team (usually they deserve it) after the final whistle. In the last match, it looked like inside an episode of “Black Soccer Mirror”, victim of a great conspiracy. “He [o árbitro] celebrated [com a equipe] in my face”, said the incredible striker, almost in a denouncing tone. Afterwards, he insistently asked the poor cameraman to record the moment, “film him, film him”.

They always “celebrate” (greet each other), dear Hulk. It wasn’t personal. It’s okay that the bad referee in question was Wilton Pereira Sampaio, bad in Brazilian and international lawns; called by English fans the “blind referee who lost his guide dog” after managing England v France in Qatar.

But all is not lost, or gained. The Atletica striker could again be outplayed by Gabigol at any given time, or by Róger Guedes, who loves escorting and talking in the referee’s ear every time he is called to VAR. Boring.

On the podium of Malice there is also Deyverson, a Cuiabá scorer who uses a different style, almost like a fifth-grade trot. The malandrinho attacker wants to irritate everyone around him, the referee, the rival, the fans and even the TV commentator. Those who watch at home even have fun.

On Sunday, Deyverson saw a Santos player lying on the field and decided to make a gesture to the bench asking for his rival to change. Just to annoy. A peralta suitcase without a handle.

There’s also the annoying foreigner. Without further ado, the title goes to Arturo Vidal. Flamengo’s only advantage with Vidal in the starting line-up is to see Gabigol complain less… a couple of times less.

Round 38 – 9 left

The most tragic elimination happened among the professors who started Round 38 of the Brazilian: Luís Castro, from Botafogo. Always sad to see the leading coach leaving the competition, even if it’s a self-degola. Soon, there will be a lot of cariocas watching the classic Al Nassr, by Luís Castro, against Al Hilal, by Jorge Jesus. And now the scoreboard shows only nine survivors here: Brazilians 4 x 5 Foreigners.

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