Keeping a secret can be beneficial for your vitality – 12/03/2023 – Balance

If your partner gets down on one knee to ask you to marry him, or you get a call with the job offer you’ve been eyeing, you may be inclined to shout it to the world. But new research suggests that keeping positive secrets to yourself can have an “energizing” effect.

The study, published in the November issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, included five experiments with a total of 2,800 participants between the ages of 18 and 78.

In one, participants were given a list of 38 types of personal good news, such as a new romance, an upcoming trip or being in a positive position to pay off some debt. On average, people reported that they were experiencing about 15 things from this list, five to six of which they hadn’t told anyone about.

Participants were then randomly assigned to reflect on an experience they had shared with others or one they were keeping secret. Those who reflected on secret good news reported feeling much more “energized” than those who reflected on good news they had already shared.

“It’s not energy in the sense of, you know, ‘I just had coffee,'” says Michael Slepian, associate professor of business at Columbia University, author of “The Secret Life of Secrets” and lead researcher on the study. Instead, he described it as a kind of “psychological energy,” more like the feeling you get when you’re deeply involved in something.

The study deepens our understanding of the science of secrets, which until now has focused on harmful effects, says Andreas Wismeijer, a psychology professor at Tilburg University in the Netherlands who has also studied secrets but did not work on the new paper.

“If you keep information secret simply because you want to,” he says, “and your choice reflects your personal values ​​and beliefs, this study shows that it can actually be beneficial.”

NOT ALL SECRETS ARE EQUAL

Many people keep secrets because they fear the negative consequences of sharing them, say professors Wismeijer and Slepian, and the harm appears to come from ruminating about them.

Negative secrets — like a lie you’re hiding or a time when you violated someone’s trust — tend to drain us, says Slepian.

In a previous study, he found that people who were worried about an important secret judged mountains to be steeper and believed that physical tasks required more effort, as if the secret was weighing them down and sapping their energy. Negative secrets have also been linked to anxiety and relationship problems.

Positive secrets, however, do not seem to have this effect. On the contrary, people seem to be encouraged by them. One factor may be that people often have different motivations for keeping good news to themselves.

In another part of Slepian’s most recent study, participants were asked to think about a secret they felt good about, one they felt bad about, or simply a current secret. They were then asked whether they were intrinsically or extrinsically motivated to keep the secret — that is, whether they were compelled by personal reasons or by external forces or consequences.

Those with positive secrets were much more likely to report that they were keeping silent for internal reasons, not because they felt any external pressure. The study noted that “autonomous motivation” is known to contribute to feelings of vitality.

“You feel really in control of positive secrets,” says Slepian, “and that may be part of what makes them energizing.”

“ENJOYING” IS IMPORTANT

Slepian says his new research shouldn’t inspire people to withhold positive news indefinitely, although study participants did say that keeping a positive secret made them feel energized regardless of whether they intended to share it. (He gave the example of a hobby or pastime that brings you happiness but that you don’t necessarily want to discuss with others.)

The psychologist believes the results fit well with research on “enjoyment,” which has shown that appreciating everyday pleasures — like the smell of the air when you walk out your front door — can help bring joy and improve your mindset. Taking extra time to sit with a happy secret that you plan to eventually reveal — like a desired pregnancy or an exciting life change — can have similar effects.

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