Combining gifts avoids frustration on Valentine’s Day – 06/11/2023 – Equilibrium

Married for 24 years, travel consultant Ligia da Silva Ferreira, 47, and driver Euclides Adelino Ferreira, 55, say that the secret of a long-lasting relationship includes enjoying spending time together and keeping one foot in reality.

“On Valentine’s Day, we do it according to our budget, if we can go out or give a gift, well, if not, we do something at home, but we never stop enjoying each other and celebrating the date. We are always together and that is more important than giving a gift”, says the consultant.

This year the couple agreed that they would not exchange treats, as their niece won a trip to Natal (RN) and the amount they would use for the celebration will be spent on tours in the city. “I was never upset if I received a gift from her or not. We usually stay at home together to celebrate. We drink a good wine, exchange ideas”, says the driver.

Showing affection, love and care does not always involve buying gifts. For Valentine’s Day, couples set spending limits, say what they prefer to win and even choose not to buy anything. The choice aims to ensure the health of the relationship and avoid personal frustrations.

Behavioral therapist Tamiris Gallano, psychologist and master at UFSCar (Federal University of São Carlos), points out that the first point to be considered in celebrations that demand consumption is that frustration is an emotion felt when a purpose is blocked.

“So, when you give a Valentine’s Day gift, it’s important to be clear about what the purpose is. If it’s a specific reaction from the person who will receive it, there’s a high chance that you’ll be frustrated, since we don’t control the reaction and emotion other people,” he says.

About gifts, the best way to avoid disappointment, according to Gallano, is to communicate what you want or not to receive. “We have a culture that teaches us that if we ask for a gift, it loses its value, [mas] I always tell my patients: the right person, with the right gift, with the right line, at the right time, is something from a romantic comedy and not from real life”, she says.

If you receive a treat that you don’t like, it’s also worth talking to your partner. Saying that you understand the intent, but that the product or experience doesn’t make sense to you is a way out, according to the expert.

“It’s not that it’s a bad gift, but it’s something that provokes these emotions and reactions that you’re not comfortable with for some reason. Sometimes we get too worried about displeasing and spend years getting what we don’t like. It’s important to say what it’s like. you feel”, indicates Gallano.

Another point of reflection is that there are different ways of showing feelings on special dates – and the gift is just one of them. Concern for the partner’s financial health also demonstrates care.

If the objective is to surprise, it is important to focus on the partner’s personal values, on acts that make the other feel good and think about the relationship that those involved want and like to have, according to the therapist.

For couples who have been together for a longer time or even married, Valentine’s Day should not be an obligation, but an opportunity to remind the other that you care about him.

“Gift exchange doesn’t have an expiration date. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a gift, but giving a gift is a symbolic, socially and culturally accepted way of showing that you feel something for that person”, he says.

Gallano reinforces, however, that it is necessary to avoid gestures for social pressure. Even on commemorative dates, she recommends remembering that partners shouldn’t be forced.

“If I want to be a person who makes the other feel loved and cared for, someone loving, caring, affectionate, there are many ways to exercise these values ​​of mine in the relationship, and the present can be one of them”, she says.