Understand why women have fewer orgasms than men – 08/18/2023 – Equilibrium

Imagine a scene from a movie or TV show that involves sex between a man and a woman. It is likely that both parties will have an orgasm. But this does not reflect reality.

This is because, in heterosexual intercourse, women have far fewer orgasms than men, which is called the “gap” (or gap) of orgasm” –documented in the scientific literature for over 20 years.

In a study of more than 50,000 people, 95% of heterosexual men said they usually or always had an orgasm during sexual intercourse, while only 65% ​​of heterosexual women said so.

According to some research, many people believe this gap is because the biology of women’s orgasms is mysterious. However, if this were true, women’s orgasm rates would not differ depending on circumstances. In fact, many studies show that women have more orgasms alone than with a partner.

At least 92% of women have an orgasm when they pleasure themselves. Women also report more orgasms when having sex within stable relationships compared to casual sex.

In a study of more than 12,000 college students, only 10% of women said they had an orgasm the first time with a man, while 68% said they had an orgasm when having sex in a stable relationship.

Women also have more orgasms when they have sex with other women. In one study, 64% of bisexual women said they usually or always had an orgasm when having sex with other women.

Why does it happen?

In all of these scenarios where women climax more, there is an increased focus on clitoral stimulation.

Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm — which makes sense, given that the clitoris and the penis originate from the same type of tissue. And both the clitoris and the penis are teeming with touch-sensitive nerve endings and erectile tissues.

In my work, I’ve asked thousands of women, “What’s your most reliable path to orgasm?”

Only 4% said penetration. The other 96% pointed to clitoral stimulation, alone or combined with penetration.

The main reason for the orgasm gap, then, is that women are not getting the clitoral stimulation they need.

And cultural messages about penetration supremacy fuel this. Countless movies, TV shows, books, and plays portray women having orgasms just from that moment of intercourse.

Popular men’s magazines also give advice on sex positions to bring women to orgasm. And although some of the positions include clitoral stimulation, the message is still that penetration is the central and most important sexual act.

The very words used in these forms of communication – and in the culture as a whole – reflect and perpetuate this overvaluation of penetration. We relegate the clitoral stimulation that comes before intercourse as a type of “foreplay”, suggesting that it is a lesser form of sex.

Several studies have shown that such messages convey the idea that sex should take place in the following ways: foreplay (only to prepare a woman for penetrative intercourse), penetrative intercourse, male orgasm, and finished sex.

In this version of sex, it would be the man’s job to “give” the woman an orgasm by prolonging sex and thrusting hard.

Not surprisingly, research has shown that men feel more masculine when their partner has an orgasm during penetrative sex. And it’s no surprise that women fake orgasms, especially during this stage of intercourse, to protect their partner’s egos.

Studies suggest that between 53% and 85% of women admit to faking orgasms. Some research indicates that most women have faked an orgasm at least once in their lives.

narrowing the gap

But there is hope, given that cultural factors are responsible for the orgasm gap. Changing the way we view sex will help improve women’s sexual experiences.

It is important to educate people about the fact that women do not have a limited biological capacity for orgasm. Likewise, the instruction of men and women about the clitoris can be a game changer.

Still, this knowledge alone is unlikely to bridge the orgasm gap on a personal level.

According to a sex therapy book, women need skills to put this knowledge into practice. This means that women should be encouraged to masturbate in order to learn what they want sexually. And this needs to be accompanied by communication practices so that they can share this information with their partners.

Women need to feel entitled to pleasure and empowered to get the same kind of stimulation alone and with a partner. This means that heterosexual couples must get rid of the old script that calls for foreplay followed by penetration, after which sex ends.

Instead, couples can take turns having orgasms with oral sex or manual stimulation, where she can have an orgasm after penetration.

Women can also touch each other with their hands or a vibrator during intercourse.

Research shows that women who use vibrators have more orgasms. And because many women worry about how they look during sex or whether they are pleasing their partner, another study showed that meditation techniques mindfulness can also help.

But equality in orgasm can have consequences that go beyond the quality of sex. Several women have told me that once they felt empowered in the bedroom, they became more confident for the rest of their lives.

Importantly, according to one study, feeling entitled to pleasure increases a woman’s agency to tell her partner what she wants sexually and to protect herself in sex.

The study found that feeling entitled to sexual pleasure boosted women’s confidence both to refuse to engage in acts they weren’t comfortable with and to use protection against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.

According to another article on sex education written by two US health researchers, when young people learn that sex should be pleasurable, they are less likely to use it in manipulative and harmful ways.

Therefore, teaching that sex is a pleasure for both partners, and not something done to women for the pleasure of men, can also help to lower levels of sexual violence.

Clearly, teaching women about pleasure will do more than just increase orgasm rates.

*Laurie Mintz is Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Florida, USA

**This article was originally published on The Conversation and is reprinted here under a Creative Commons license. Click here to read the original English version.