The ketchup terrorists – 02/06/2023 – Cozinha Bruta

The case of “sushi terrorism” caused revulsion, revolt and indignation. The son of a friend of mine, a die-hard otaku, was outraged by images of Japanese youths licking things and spitting on sushi in a restaurant where customers serve themselves on a conveyor belt.

The only surprise, for me, is that they are Japanese – historically disciplined by an education that, in mild terms, can be classified as rigid.

After all, he’s a male teenager doing adolescent maleness. The little men (I was one) are idiots to the point of perpetrating things like drooling over other people’s sushi – and dumb enough to incriminate themselves with videos of the idioticity that are posted on social networks.

In my teens, sushi was too expensive and too exotic for São Paulo brats. Terrorism took place in the cafeteria – today, perhaps the most appropriate term would be “hamburger joint”.

I never did or witnessed the attacks, but I know that they are not just an urban legend because I knew people capable of perpetrating them.

In those days, ketchup and mustard came in tubes with no brand identification – red and yellow, respectively. The group made some fuzarca to distract people, while one of the young people took the cap off the tube, spit inside and capped it again.

Some friends, aware of the terrorism of ketchup, visually examined the contents of the tube before squeezing it into the hamburger. I shrugged, I knew I would look, but I wouldn’t see. The chance of getting the spiked ketchup, it turned out, was slim.

Another less disgusting –but equally shitty– modality of terrorism was to unscrew the lid of the tube and fit it loosely, as if it were tightly closed. The effect was a squirt of ketchup onto the unsuspecting customer’s hands—perhaps onto his clothes.

Teenage scatological terrorism takes many forms, from the chewing gum glued to the bus seat to the upside-down salt shaker with the lid at the base. It has always existed, it still exists and, as we can see from the Japanese case, it is universal.

The lead of the news is that Japan’s brats are becoming more like Western youth — in the worst attributes of Western youth. The change in behavior must last throughout adult life, and who knows what impact this will have on Japanese society.

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