Looking for the best bar in Brazil – 08/29/2023 – Cozinha Bruta

The best bar in Brazil is not the same for everyone –as was made clear in the published lists, here at Sheetin the special O Melhor de São Paulo.

There is not even one establishment present on both lists – one made by judges, the other determined by the Datafolha institute in a survey of the general population. My private list (I was a bar judge) did not include a single bar on the list of champions.

And that’s okay, because this best and worst thing is always subjective.

I won’t open my votes, but I will say here what, for me, must be in the best bar in Brazil. I invest nationally so as not to compete with the newspaper that houses me.

A wise man named Preá, from Botafogo who lives in Copacabana, once said something interesting: the best bar is the one closest to home or work.

There it snapped for me.

The pub closest to home is really, really bad. It’s not so bad that it’s good, it’s really bad. White light on the stalk, TV on the stalk, a bunch of sticky tables where the workers devour half-assed commercial dishes, zero charm.

It can’t possibly be my favorite bar. And I work from home, so I don’t have a plan B for that.

Preá’s postulate, however, should not be completely discarded. Proximity is very important. Bar is a convenience, an extension of home, it cannot be too far away. Two or three kilometers at most.

My best bar in Brazil needs to have cold beer, it’s non-negotiable. Connoisseurs say it numbs the palate, but I don’t care.

Cold beer, preferably in a large bottle, to share. And with a condom, that thermal cover – its absence denotes unforgivable meanness, incompatible with the spirit of a bar.

Did I say pub? Yeah, my favorite bar is those. I like bars where I feel comfortable in shorts and flip-flops.

The human factor has a lot of weight. Not in the classic see-and-be-seen sense, not flirting or anything like that, I’m over those things – or maybe they’re over me.

Two friends and I used to go to a very, very simple bar, with fascinating fauna. You arrive, order a few beers and, suddenly, the most picturesque types approach you with the most surreal conversations. A few more beers, and everyone is singing at the top of their lungs.

The next day, you wake up with a headache and a doubt: was that real? The confrontation with friends indicates that yes, but there is no way to be completely sure.

The best bar cannot be too full (zones the service), nor too empty (sad). It should be cheap but offer quality. Need to have friendly waiters who are not inconvenient.

I don’t care about cocktails, but the consecrated person at the counter needs to know how to make caipirinha. Bad caipirinha knocks down a boteco (this is a big problem in Rio’s wonderful bar scene, which is also far away).

A good bar shouldn’t have a television, but I admit exceptions. Football in a chaotic bar can trigger strangely amusing situations.

And, yes, there is the food. Good food is always good.

The bonus track of a special bar is the free nightcap, much appreciated by Lauro, a friend from Minas Gerais. He gave the waiter hell until he got a round of beers on the house early in the morning. I do not insist, but I ask. When it sticks, I’m so happy I’m going to kiss the boss on the forehead.

I’m sorry to say that I still haven’t found a bar that fulfills all these prerequisites. So I’m forced to keep looking. Hard, see?

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