Horn’s day: how to ask for forgiveness and forgive a betrayal – 04/25/2023 – Equilíbrio

Forgiving a betrayal can be a difficult task. Experts point out that it can be more complex than just accepting your partner’s apologies. Asking for forgiveness, sometimes made publicly, can also make the situation more difficult.

For Horn Day, we gathered tips that specialists gave to the reportage of the Sheet to understand how to better deal with betrayal.

talk to your partner

There is no perfect recipe on how to forgive cheating. The conversation, however, must be the first step in any attempt at reconciliation. If the couple does not want to, it is not necessary to talk about the reasons for the infidelity, but it is important to accept what happened and plan how to deal with the consequences.

“You just can’t say that you never had the intention, because that’s a lie. Saying that you didn’t want to do it is the same thing as not getting involved in the situation, saying that it’s the world’s fault and he should take the blame”, says the psychologist Renata Toledo, a researcher at USP (University of São Paulo) who studies the topic, reports Sheet.

Do not expose betrayal

It is not difficult to see posts on the internet in which the one who betrayed publicly apologizes to the betrayed. Or that the victim tries to embarrass the alleged culprit. Expose, however, may not be a good idea, according to experts.

“We are beings of rituals. Making it public is the ritual of erasing sin”, says Toledo.

Publicly speaking about betrayal is also negative because the betrayed person is also exposed.

Talk to people close

Not making it public, however, does not mean swallowing and keeping all your feelings. It is advisable to open up to close and trustworthy people, who can help you go through the crisis more calmly, according to specialists.

understand the reasons

An alternative is also to try to understand and justify what happened.

The desire for other people, one of the motivators of betrayal, is normal. What is made of that feeling is what matters to the relationship, says Toledo.

Be patient and reflect on the relationship

If you’ve made the mistake, there’s no point in apologizing and trying to get the relationship back to normal sooner. It is possible that the relationship will never be the same again.

For those who have been betrayed, reflecting on the relationship is essential to know which path to take and what led the couple to that situation.

“Perhaps it is important to even ask for a distance to think about whether you want the relationship to continue”, says Carmita Abdo, coordinator of the sexuality studies program (Prosex) at the Institute of Psychiatry at the Hospital das Clínicas of the USP Medical School.

Remember relationship agreements

It is important to understand what was agreed between the couple, as some can handle the situation better by having more flexible agreements.

“People can have the understanding that an extramarital affair can happen, that it is part of it”, says Abdo. The important thing is that the rules are clear: whether or not it is acceptable to have extramarital affairs, and whether it is the duty of the partners to share them.

Don’t blame

It is important to be careful when pointing out culprits, since all events in the relationship, both positive and negative, are done in partnership.

This means that there is no point in pointing a pivot. Those responsible for the relationship are the people who are part of it.