Happiness depends on our relationships, says professor – 06/24/2023 – Equilíbrio

In 2015, Professor Robert Waldinger participated in a TED Talks conference presenting a talk called “What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study of happiness”. Seven years later, the video has more than 24 million views on YouTube, and he has authored a book on the subject, which is on the New York Times bestseller list.

Professor of psychiatry at Harvard University, Waldinger is the fourth director of the “Harvard Study of Adult Development”, which has existed since 1938 and is still ongoing today. The work is the largest that exists on the subject, and monitors questions about well-being, development and happiness. Currently, the research is in the second generation, composed of the children of the first participants.

The secret shared by him in an interview with Sheet is what stands out: the key to a happier, healthier life is the relationships we cultivate.

Good relationships help reduce stress levels and also influence the way we deal with difficulties and challenging situations.

Waldinger says that cultivating reciprocal relationships that have mutual support and room for growth is what brings the most happiness. On the other hand, spending too much time at work is a constant regret of study participants.

Despite this, there are also other factors that influence mental health and feelings of happiness – and one of them could be money.

The researcher points out that having a lot of money or fame is not directly related to happiness. However, poverty influences life satisfaction. Waldinger points out that, while someone does not have their basic needs guaranteed, being happy and fulfilled with their life is a difficult task.

From the moment that needs such as food, housing and education are guaranteed, however, earning more money does not mean more happiness. That’s where the importance of cultivating good relationships lies, from the loving ones to the more superficial ones with your co-workers.

What are the main differences between how the study works today and when it started in 1938? We still ask people about their lives, what has changed. The difference is in the way we do it. Today, we draw blood, map DNA, and scan participants’ brains, for example.

What would you have done differently if you had participated in the early years? Well, I would have included women and more diversity from the start. We included the women later, but I would have done that from the very beginning.

Boston, in 1938, was an almost all-white city, so that’s also a factor. But it would be nice to have more diversity [racial e de gênero] from the beginning.

What are the main differences between the generations involved in the study? There’s more in common than differences, actually.

People from the first generation of the study grew up in a world war context, with a lot of suffering around. Perhaps those of the second generation had a more peaceful childhood, with less depression, because the world was calmer. Today, we are experiencing more troubled situations again.

What is the most interesting discovery? For me, it’s really about linking relationships with health. The fact that good relationships don’t just make you happier, but also healthier.

And this has to do with stress, right? Yes. And good relationships also make you handle stressful situations better.

What mainly defines a happy life, according to the study, is having good relationships. What classifies a relationship as positive? A good relationship is reciprocal, there is a give and take dynamic. It is a relationship where there is support, exchange and space to grow and change as well. People change, and in a good relationship there is acceptance for these new versions.

Does having little money influence people’s happiness? Yes. Poverty has a negative impact on people’s happiness.

It is proven that while you are worrying about eating and meeting your basic needs, it influences your mental health and feeling of happiness. However, once your basic needs are covered, then no. More money does not mean more happiness.

We are now recognizing that family can also be synonymous with toxic relationships. Do you have advice on how to deal with this? The ideal is always to try to improve this relationship in some way, because family relationships can really be something very strong and unique. So, trying to understand what is not working and dialoguing to build a better relationship is the best option.

If it really isn’t working and that relationship is something that really hurts you, then in some cases we really have to move away from that person.

Usually, when we talk about relationships, people believe that romantic relationships are the most important. That is true? Not necessarily. Friends, co-workers and family are equally important.

In most cases, people who have a wider and more diverse network of relationships are happier. You have a safety net. It’s very difficult for a single person to give you everything you need.

There are cases of people who are very happy with their romantic relationship and don’t feel that need, but they are not the majority.

Are superficial relationships also important? These are very important relationships. Acquaintances, people from work.

It has even been shown that having friends at work is very important and makes us happier people. We work better when we have friends in the workplace. Just having a cup of coffee and having a nice conversation can be a very positive thing.

What are the most common regrets of study participants? What men in the study cite most as regrets is spending too much time at work and not enough time with the people they love.

Many women cite that they wish they hadn’t worried so much about what people were thinking.

Do you think this can change in the new generations? I think with social media this is much worse. People are increasingly concerned about their image and what others are thinking of them.

Is it possible to use social media in a positive way? We can actively use social media to connect with people, and from there meet them and have relationships in real life.

But just scrolling through the Instagram feed, watching what others are doing, is not going to do your mental health any favors.